The concept of the ‘peaceful warrior’ or I should be able to solve this non-violently

Sometimes violence simply cannot be avoided; it's not your choice.

Like many folks who were introduced to the Kung Fu show in 1972 I was enamored with peaceful warrior Kwai Chang Caine, the Taoist monk who spread peace wherever he went by clobbering the bad guys with graceful moves.  We all watched it for one reason, not to see the peaceful harmonizer of the Tao but for those 2 moments in the show when he reigned down justice with his fists and feet on the unrighteous; in a very non-violent and peaceful whooping. I was studying Eastern Philosophy in college at the time and sought to learn how to end conflicts with non-violent resolutions.  I had been the victim of violence before and wanted to find solace. There was a well-believed myth that you could somehow calm the most vicious attack with wonderous flowing moves.  This was a strong theme in Akido which I studied for a short while at that time along with several other martial arts.
Years ago, I had this lovely young mother come to me to train.  She very committed to learning because she was often alone with her young son while her husband traveled. She belonged to a strict religious sect.  She was well trained with a firearm but wanted to be able to fight if she couldn’t get to her side arm. Regardless of all of this she would not do anything that seemed violent. She would not punch at a face or kick the body, even with protective gear.  She would simulate it but not do it.  Even hitting a punching bag hard repulsed her. I could not break this mindset.  I asked what she would do if attacked and her only choice was to hurt the person.  She said she wouldn’t.  And then I asked if her son was being brutally assaulted while she was witnessing it, then what?  The thought traumatized her, made her apoplectic and then she said she didn’t know. She sought answers in her religion.  How could she pull the trigger with this mindset?  She continued her training for quite a while and developed a somewhat aggressive attitude.
Many decades ago, while working out in Chinatown, I mentioned to my training partner that I would never kill someone in a fight.  If it had come to me or him it would be me; I could not bear to take a life.  This fellow, Russell, grew up in the heart of North Philadelphia.  His reality was a lot more dangerous than mine. Unlike what the fictional Kwai Chang would have said he blasted me with a scathing message.  “Wait, let me get this straight man.  You would rather be killed than stop a killer?  You would value the life more of a man that doesn’t care about you or anyone else and let him take your place on this planet?  He deserves to live more than you and continue to hurt others while your wife and family are in forever pain?  He might kill your mom or siblings later? He deserves to live???  Brother, you are a fool!”
I was totally unprepared for this moment of street dharma.  Obviously over 50 years later it still rings in my consciousness. It caused me to think long and hard about the reality of a real fight and the lifelong ramifications.  There’s this great story most people know about the fellow who breaks into a temple/church and is stealing candlesticks.  A monk walks in and catches him in the act. Expecting to meet resistance the burglar steps back but the monk goes up and gathers another candle stick and hands it to him. The idea being that he needed it more than the monk.  Such a peaceful heart-warming story. Now let’s look at this a little deeper.  So, the burglar now has no reason to change his ways, no reason to introspect and no reason to care.  Suppose during his next burglary he rapes a woman or beats a man to death?  Who enabled him to continue his ways?  Stopping him would not only save other people but hopefully also begin to stop his own internal violence. This person could be high on drugs and totally out of control, letting him go is doing no favors for society. Enabling him to continue in his destructive ways is not a way of peace and love but of dangerous ignorance.
Thinking that your display of peace is somehow going to stop a Hitler, Pol Pot, Ted Bundy or any other psychopath is childish thinking. It assumes there is this seed of love in their soul waiting to blossom. I truly understand the desire to believe this but it’s not going to work. Sometimes, if not often, the only way to stop violence is with greater violence.  The wicked seek out and love the weak. They don’t want to engage in violence, they want to take control, instill fear and move unimpeded.  I have been in violent situations where the perpetrator grins with delight when he sees fear in his victims’ eyes.  I’ve also seen fear and confusion in their own eyes when the victim became the victor through violent retribution.
I would love the idea of a ‘defensive art’ to actually work but I’ve never seen it happen in a vicious attack.  I’ve seen demonstrations where huge guys subdue the attacker just by means of their size and strength.  Smaller folks can’t do this.  Oh, and if you think you are going to grapple someone to the ground and submit him; that’s a fantasy.  Why?  Because his friends are going to unleash holy hell on you in the no rules world of the street.  There was a BJJ fellow in my area who was quite accomplished and feared on the mat, a real tough guy.  One day he came into the gym absolutely beat to hell.  He got into a fight in a bar, immediately submitted the fellow and then his friends destroyed him.  The street is unforgiving.
Violence is always ugly, there’s no getting around it. It’s traumatic and dehumanizing, it’s the utter failure of rationalism and grace but it is real.  You don’t win these fights; you survive them and live with the consequences. Absolutely do what you can to avoid violence but if it is unavoidable, you best be prepared to handle it and not rely on hope and fantasy.  You can either learn to swim in a torrent or hope the Coast Guard comes.  Which is more realistic?
          

                                                       I know my push hands technique will settle him down!