How to Create Your Own Mythology and Become a Legend!

 
I am always amazed at the BS people buy into whether it be religion or martial arts without giving it any critical thought. Martial arts, particularly Chinese ones, are rife with these characters who create their own narrative over whom they studied with and the secrets only they were entrusted with.  I've seen this so many times in my life it's unbelievable. So since we can't get rid of these jokers let's take a look at how we can create our own mythological stature and become the god we were meant to be. 

There are certain guidelines you should follow to do this and here are the main ones:
1) You were trained in secret.
2) You are the only one who understands this and any other student will be jealous of you so your teacher kept it secret.
3) You are benevolent because you will pass on this great wisdom that you have received.
4) You alone control its dissemination.
5) The way you received it cannot be traced back because the mysterious teacher disappeared or the venerated master died.
6) Your timeline cannot be traced or substantiated. ( Don't screw this one up because it will really bite you in the arse)

If your starting a religion or a cult you start with : I was meditating in the (pick one) forest, desert, ocean , under a water fall, temple...   when I was approached by (pick one): a mysterious stranger, an angel, overcome by a piercing light, who  (pick one): infused me with wisdom, gave me a sacred script that only I can read, taught me the true secrets of life, showed me a vision of (pick one): heaven, the future, the universe, my path....and told me I am the only one who can help you  so now I will share it with you ....at some cost of course. 

So the martial arts version goes like this: 
As a kid you were either intuitive, rescued from a fight or amazingly brave and then one day someone approached you and said, "Go study the way of" (pick one): the samurai, the mantis, the dragon, the Eight Immortals, etc ...because you are special and can grasp it.  Then you were singled out by either: the mysterious master who wandered out of the woods or jungle or you were pulled aside by a famous master who said, "Ah clotheshopper you alone of all of my students understands what I am teaching and I will secretly impart them to you because my long time students will become jealous of you."  So the students that spent years at the master's feet got nothing but you, in your divine greatness and penultimate humbleness, were given all of the art it in a few short months: in the broom closet or wood shed.  If this didn't happen in a temple then you were hiking the mysterious Fa King Jok mountain where encountered 3 monks as you ascended and each imparted to you their unique wisdom with the one at the top being the most developed.  Of course they've been standing there for years just waiting for someone to come along.  Just waiting and waiting and Godot never showed up I guess. God knows how they lived, especially the one at the top where there's no vegetation but maybe they got Uber meals to deliver, you never know. These monks are resourceful dudes.
 Now it's your turn to reveal it to the world but you've got to time this so the real master can't refute it because he's either; dead or moved back to Tibet and is in a meditative state or a demented coma.  Now no one can prove this didn't happen and it doesn't matter that you can't prove it did.  Oh and you've been approached by either the special forces, the police or some international security agency to teach their members.  You declined because they are not spiritual enough or you accepted to teach the elite in private, perhaps in the Fortress of Solitude when Kal-el isn't using it. Bring a coat I hear it's really chilly there.
When you impart this to others please clasp your hands and have a huge benevolent grin on your face, talk about how you used to fight but don't anymore and how you just want to pass on your great knowledge.  Don't forget to include how you are sought after from far and wide and how precious your time is.

 In one such case that I was personally involved with the 'Deemed Master' said he was having  phone conversations with the grand master up until his death where he promised to meet him in Nirvana in the future.  At this time the master gave him the lineage and the 'direct transmission' of the deepest state of the art.  Problem was that this knucklehead did not know that the grand master was unable to speak at the time this supposedly happened.  I know this because I and others were at his bedside.  Another time a Chosen Master had a time line of all the people he studied with and his secret time in the temple posted on his wall with the time he spent at each. He had forgotten he told me he was 27 years old. This was a big mistake because when I tallied his time line he was in the Special Forces when he was six years old and partook in a great wrestling tournament when he was eight.  He promptly walked away when he realized the corner he was backed into. Remember I used his chart and timeline that HE had posted.  Simple arithmetic is such a wonderful skill to have. Stay in school kids!
  Once at a meal with another  of a group of "The Masters" one was talking about his time in some of the classic tournaments in NYC in the mid 1960's.  I'm no spring chicken but at the time of those tournaments I was 13 learning how to defend myself from the dreaded Nun Yardstick style from which I still have scars today (literally).  One of the fellows at the table asked this fellow how old he was, two years older than me, and the questioner mouthed to me 'do the math'.  I did.  There was no way he was in NYC at that time fighting adults when he was 15.
Regardless, study this model and prepare to present yourself as the new, improved, blessed master of The Spinning Gold Mantis, The Iron Monkey Paw, the Descending Eagle, Fire Fist Nun or The Southern Mantis Buddha Palm because no one can prove you aren't and you can't prove you are......unless of course you, the student, actually do some research instead of believing these hucksters.  Yeah, like that's going to happen!